Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
