do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
