mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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