47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
