oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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