I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize