Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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