i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
