I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
