Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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