i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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