i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
