Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
