So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
