Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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