there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
