You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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