So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize