I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
