he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
