God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
