8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
