Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
