Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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