just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
