I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
