Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
