I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize