I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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