And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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