how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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