at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
