The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
