I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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