That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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