She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
