And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
