So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
