So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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