i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
