The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
