we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
