Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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