she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
