If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
