I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
