I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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