isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
