Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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