I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
