think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize