every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
