There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
