I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
