just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize