So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
