Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
