well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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