You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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