Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
