I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
