I'm lost and stupid without you.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it's like iHOP with fire
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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