Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
