shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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