i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
