By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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