So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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