I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize