So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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