Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
