mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
