i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
