And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
