Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
