Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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