is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
