So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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