Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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