you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
