I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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