I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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