Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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