dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found your dick twin last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
