***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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