u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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