So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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