There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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