mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We have started to decorate penises.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
