It's like God shit irony all over that family
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
