wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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