My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
