Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
