who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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