I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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