I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
