Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
