Cold hands, warm shart.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
