is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
