he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
