I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
