I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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