I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
