i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
