We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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