absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bring money and cleavage
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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