what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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